OURTWOMOSTCOMMONwaysoftryingtoaddressourtoughestsocialchallengesaretheextremeones:aggressivewarandsubmissivepeace.Neitherofthesewaysworks.Wecantry,usingourgunsormoneyorvotes,topushthroughwhatwewant,regardlessofwhatotherswant-butinevitablytheotherspushback.Orwecantrynottopushanythingonanyone-butthatleavesoursituationjustasitis.
Theseextremewaysareextremelycommon,onallscales.Oneonone,wecanbepushyorconflictaverse.Atwork,wecanbebossyor"goalongtogetalong."Inourcommunities,wecansetthingsupsothattheyarethewaywewantthemtobe,orwecanabdicate.Innationalaffairs,wecanmakedealstogetourway,orwecanletothershavetheirway.Ininternationalrelations-whetherthechallengeisclimatechangeortraderulesorpeaceintheMiddleEast-wecantrytoimposeoursolutionsoneveryoneelse,orwecannegotiateendlessly.Theseextreme,commonwaysoftryingtoaddressourtoughestsocialchallengesusuallyfail,leavingusstuckandinpain.Therearemanyexceptionstothesegeneralizationsabouttheprevalenceoftheseextremeways,butthefactthattheseareexception